疯狂教授 The Nutty Professor英文字幕下载

　Miss Lemmon! Miss Lemmon!,Miss Lemmon!,What?,Doctor Warfield!,Miss Lemmon, get ProfessorKelp in here immediately.,But, Dr Warfield, I think ProfessorKelp has a class right now.,He had a class. Can't you hear?,Now, get him!,Fire's up here.,Get the axe! Get the axe!,All right, men, alltogether at the door.,Look out! Look out! Look out!,Oh, oh... I beg your pardon.,Oh, but this is terrible!,Oh...!,Oh... Oh...,Oh, my...!,Professor Kelp?,Are you all right? And if youare, where are you all right?,Oh, my...,Dr Warfield wants tosee you in his office.,- Dr Warfield?- Yes, right away.,I used too much...,Kelp.,How long have you been on thefaculty of this university?,Well, now, I would say, er...,prior to my exposure as a studentcounsellor, USC, three years...,No, I went to post-grad,naturally, two years... No...,I had a botany exposure inone particular school...,I had decided, pre-med, botany, whatever,I would prefer the sciences...,I think I should go backto when I graduated...,How long?!,Two years and 22 minutes now.,Kelp, as I recall, uponyour arrival here,,I told you and the othernew faculty members,,I will not stand for any member of staffutilising the university's facilities,for his or her ownpersonal experiments.,Did I not make myselfperfectly clear?,Good, I knew my memoryserved me well.,And Kelp, wasn't itapproximately six weeks later,that you conducted a rather interestingexperiment before your class?,Let me see... I think it had somethingto do with an additive to gasolene,for the purpose of increasing theefficiency of the combustion engine.,- Right?- Yes, it was something to that effect...,Do you recall whatthat additive was?,Yes, as a matter of fact, now thatyou bring it up, the additive was,3 parts carbon, 5 parts hydrogen,1 part nitrogen, 3 parts oxygen.,- Which, of course, is?- Nitroglycerine.,- The results were?- Negative.,- And?- Noisy.,Noisy!,It was the worst explosion in the historyof this or any other university.,That was two years ago and they'restill talking about it today.,Now you mention it, I sawyoung Phips the other day.,You recall Arnold Phipswas in my class that day?,Yes, really, whatdid he have to say?,He's feeling much better and thebandages should be off in two weeks.,Oh, well, a couple... Exactly!That's exactly what I mean!,You are a menace.,Professor Kelp, believe me, Iknow what I'm talking about.,Kelp, it's human nature.,Kelp, people just don't liketeachers blowing up their kids.,Kelp, try to understandthat I understand,that scientists and creators havetheir little eccentricities.,Einstein hated haircuts, da Vinciloved to paint and Newton...,Didn't he have somethingto do with figs?,So therefore I, too, realise that youhave many of the same eccentricities.,Leave them in the locker when youcome in in the morning, Professor.,And feel free to takethem home at night.,All right, Kelp,simmer down and relax.,I'm sure we won't have to have anothertalk like this again. Am I correct?,Oh, without question,you're absolutely...,yes, we'll never haveto correct our talk.,We won't ever speak...,That is, we'll never have to talk again.We just never will discuss talking.,Er, we shouldn't reallyconverse about speaking.,Professor, our discussionhas come to an end.,- Thank you, Dr...- Kelp.,Yes?,Your watch...,does it...,always?,Oh, no, just when I open...,Those are your greens.,Hi, how are you?,"Therefore, through history,,"man has been curious...",- Professor Kelp.- Yes, Worfshefski?,- I have to go...- You have to go?,Since when did you find itnecessary to ask permission to go?,No, well, what I meant to say,Professor Kelp, was that...,I have to go to football practice.,Football practice?,At this hour?What about your studies?,Well, Mr Coughman, the coach,,he asked me to try and get offmy first class this morning...,Get off your first class?,Did he, now? To getoff your first class?.
    Mr Worfshefski, had you learnedanything in your first class,,and I refer to theelementary class,,you might not be in suchdire need of learning now.,Your request is denied.Please sit down.,I don't want to hear anotherword about your stupid practice.,You don't have no call to go yellingat me like that, Professor Kelp.,Worfshefski, I mighthave been a little rash.,That wasn't very nicecalling my practice stupid.,I meant I was stupid inassuming practice was stupid.,Naughty, naughty, naughty.,- Teacher!- Well, you shouldn't be upset.,W... W... Worfshefski,you're breaking my...,There goes the tibia. Worfshefski,you're... Worfshefski!,You must realise that...,You don't realise whatyou're doing, Worfshefski.,Worfshefski, you don'trealise what you're doing.,Well, just don't dosomething, sit there!,Er, that is... class dismissed!,You may go.,Can I be of any assistance,Professor Kelp?,Oh, er...,Thank you, Miss Purdy, you'revery, very considerate.,Actually, I wouldappreciate the assistance,for were it not for you assisting meI might very well be here all semester.,Well, er, let's startwith the book.,Yeah... I don't know, I...,You have to... The, er...,Wait, it's connected, youbetter not press that.,Just pull it out, Miss Purdy.,Oh, that really snapped.,- I'm sorry.- That's all right.,- Try leaning.- Oh, no, no, no, no...,Let me just... Letme have this arm...,Just may I have that arm? All right,you just hold some of the body...,Thank you, thank you.,- Thank you, Miss Purdy.- Are you all right, Professor?,Oh, yes, this is veryembarrassing, Miss Purdy.,Why don't you call meStella, Professor?,I thought it was Stella Purdy.,Oh, you mean to call you Stella?How stupid of me. Sorry.,I will, stupid... Er, Stella.,I'm very upset. It'svery embarrassing.,Honestly, Professor, you shouldn'tlet a big ox like that bother you.,He's the typical bully thatloves picking on a small man.,Yes, yes, you're right, Miss Purdy,,but you'd best run along oryou'll miss your next class.,You're all right?,Oh, yes, as I said, I'm justembarrassed. I'm fine, thank you.,Er, Miss Purdy...,Miss Pur... Excuse me.,The, er...,He's a typical bully that lovespicking on a small man...,picking on a small man...picking on a small man...,I think I broke myself.,Wrong way, sir. This is the gym.I take it you're new?,- Well, I'm not brand new.- No, I mean a new student.,I'm terribly sorry, sir.Are you hurt?,Well, actually, if you wouldsay that a man with an ulcer,,a nail in his shoe and a splinter in hisfinger was then struck by lightning...,If you could say he wasn'thurt then I'm not hurt.,Good. By the way, we don'twear glasses at Vic Tanny's.,Fine, I'll just take these off.,I didn't realise that you'renot supposed to, er...,There's nowhere really that I...Is there some place I could put?,- Shall I put these in a locker?- I'd appreciate it. You're very kind.,I would've put them there had Iknown that there was a restriction.,Some people use them for afaçade, I wear them for eyes.,You see, "for eyes",it's a play on "eyes".,I hope I did nothing wrong bywearing them. I didn't realise.,If we could get started. I do havea class and need to get going.,- Come with me.- Wonderful.,I've never done this before.I don't know where to begin.,We start right here.,Identical twins.,- No, that's a pulling machine.- A pulling machine? What does it do?,- You pull it! 15 or 20 pulls to begin with.- Oh, I see.,- And take it easy.- Naturally.,I wouldn't strain myself for theworld. Thank you very much.,You're welcome. Er, happy muscles.,Yes, I certainly do.,Oh, yes, I've seen thatin those magazines.,Oh, that's invigorating.,Oh, that's terrific.,I'm going to have a great dealof fun with this, I can tell.,"the various aspects, ofcourse, is relativity to hydrogen.,"There is hydrogen, duly explosive andmore devastating than the atomic.,"There is equally the devastationin nitrogen... nitrogen, equally...",I couldn't help but notice -I was standing here -,that's amazing, the way youpush those things up there.,It must take a greatdeal of patience.,And a little muscle.,Oh, yes. Well, you certainly are...Yes, you are...,I'd love to be able to... I wouldreally enjoy trying that some time.,I don't think you'd havethe patience for it.,I have the other thing youmentioned: A little muscle.,I say, that was, er,sort of a corker!,Here, enjoy yourself.,I, er... I suspect it wassomewhat heavier than I...,- uncanny.- I agree, Doctor.,But there are a couple of pointsthat I neglected to mention.,Specifically, the day I went toVic Tanny, I got on the scale,,as they normally do,to check you in,......